The Friendship of Christian Marriage

When I was thinking about what to write for this month's Marriage Monday Article at CHRYSALIS, I couldn't help but think about my favorite poem:

The Road Not Taken

by: Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the tother, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy ans wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -

I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference.

From "You Come Too", 1916

There are SO many interpretations of this beautiful piece of poetry that they are far too many to count. But, for the purposes of today's article, I believe that there is definitely application to friendships in our lives, especially the friendship of the Christian marriage. As I look at the first reference of significance, Frost says "and sorry I could not travel both", I think about the road of "singleness" and the road of "marriage", neither of which were meant (biblically) to be traveled together. The Bible says that for a marriage to work, “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” You cannot remain in a state of singleness in order to enter into this union. Marriage is a state of “oneness”, but not “singleness”. Isn’t it amazing how the word “oneness” actually means “together”, but “single”, just means “single”; “by itself/oneself”?

I fully believe that in order to successfully accomplish this feat of “oneness” as we “travel the road of marriage”, we must be the best of friends. This doesn’t mean that we skip around holding hands twenty four hours a day, but it does mean that we have a bond in our relationship that is held together by Philia (φιλία philia) love, which is the love in a true, solid state friendship. It includes some very important components; loyalty to family and friends, community and virtue. But this Philia (φιλία philia), while great by itself, cannot fully function in a marriage without the balance of the other “branches” of love, which are Agapē (αγάπη agápē), or “brotherly love”; Eros (love) (ερως érōs), or physical/sexual love; and Storge (στοργή storgē), or “affectionate love, as parents would feel for a child”. Getting back to the “road of singleness”, you can see that there are some of these loves that can be experienced by the single person, but not all of them. This is not to say that there aren’t some Christians who are called by the Lord to remain single. I know some people who have accepted this calling and are incredibly fulfilled by this calling. But, then there are others, like me, which are called to be married.

With the different “loves” that make up the marriage relationship, I believe that Philia (φιλία philia) is really the cornerstone. It’s almost impossible to build a marriage relationship without starting with friendship first. I have plenty of friends, but NONE like my Rob. I do have some incredibly close friends with which I can share just about anything. But deep down, there is no earthly friend that I have with which I can share all that I do with Rob. To me, this is one of the most beautiful components to marriage. Granted, there are times when we get on each others nerves. In fact, I’ll be honest and say that there may have been some of that this week (sleep deprivation and busy schedules do not foster warm and fuzzy feelings towards your mate). But, in everything, I still love Rob more every day than I did the day before…even if we are both driving each other bananas over something (and it’s usually something stupid and meaningless). It is this part of the marriage--the deep friendship, the brotherly love, the physical love and the affectionate love—that made me want to choose the “road less traveled”.

Some of you are probably asking “why would you think that marriage is the road less traveled”? Well…stop. Think about it. What day and age do we live in? We have officially built a society in which those who have remained married for over thirty years have become a group that is in the severe minority. So this…..this is why I chose the road less traveled. If Mr. Frost were still alive I would ask him to do a sequel to the poem….and prayerfully, we would find those that chose the road less traveled in marriage would still be traveling down that road, hand in hand, walking into the hand painted sunset, painted just for us by the Master. And what a Master….the last time I checked, He wrote the book on “The Road Not Taken”. He took that Road straight to Calvary and bled and died for me, for Rob and for anyone reading this post. He is the One who is waiting for us at the end of “The Road Not Taken”. Without God and God alone, for me, for Rob and our families, there would never have been a road.

Thank you Lord for my Husband, family and friends.  And thank You most for dying on Calvary to save my sinful heart.